Sunday, May 29, 2011

My Random Thoughts Via Twitter

My lovingly handcrafted paperclip necklaces have been rejected by both Etsy and ArtFire. Snobs.

Do-it-yourself liposuction is not as effective as it sounds. A Dustbuster isn't nearly powerful enough.

Word tips from Darla: When you're crying about Oprah's last show, you're 'bawling,' NOT 'balling.'

I'm going to be assertive, if you don't mind.

My daughter is using a toxic stinky paint pen on her art in the house. She better become successful artist for what she is doing to me.

Word tips with Darla returns. If it's the infectious type, it's 'Staph,' not 'staff.'

The rubber stuff they use on t-shirts? I'm allergic to it. It stinks, my eyes & throat burn, headache. They need to invent something new!

Insomnia cure: Eat turkey sandwiches, take a Benadryl, then watch C-Span

1,824,870 "Like" Money on Facebook. I thought it would be a larger number.

Every year for 45 years, my age has been increasing. It seems to be a trend.

When the Navy SEALS bust in here, they'll find both my exes --Nasonex & Mucinex.

I'm a day late and a dollar short lately, so if you could please contact me a day earlier & pay me a dollar more, that would be super.

First there was spinning, then Tai Chi, now Zumba. I can't keep track of all the exercise I haven't done and won't do.

I'm ready to have a street named after me now, if anybody has the right contacts to make that happen. ;-)

It doesn't have to be a big street. It can be a service lane that leads to a dumpster. I'm not going to be overly picky.

Having to slap myself to wake up today, then will have to file a restraining order against myself.

Dan Akroyd seems like the type of guy who would microwave a good Hot Pocket.

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